Ten in 10: You Mean That Wasn't You?

I've lost my focus.

When I started the Ten in 10 Challenge, I was motivated to take the necessary steps to gain weight in a healthy manner. For the first few days, I felt like I was moving toward my goal and I had even moved up a pants size. Then life got in the way and I couldn't concentrate on building on the progress I thought I was making. (It turns out, the need for a larger pair of pants had nothing to do with actual weight gain. It was water weight, and the pants that I bought are now too big.) I've been frustrated and upset and, finally, reached the point of just plain indifference.

Because I was feeling myself lose it emotionally, I called my doctor to talk to her about getting back on track, and her response was not what I was expecting to hear from her: "What makes you think you have to gain weight?"

I blinked a few times because I wasn't sure I heard her correctly. I told her that I was under the impression she wanted me to gain weight so I'd be in a healthier position to have a baby when I decided I was ready for that next step in life. The more we talked, the more I realized that she never put that idea into my head -- I did! She assured me that, while I'm petite and don't weigh all that much, I'm perfectly healthy. And while it wouldn't be a bad thing if I gained a few pounds, my situation is not dire and I'm not setting myself up for future health complications if I don't gain weight now.

My mind was reeling. Did I really manage to convince myself that my doctor had planted the seed to the idea of gaining weight into my head?

She went on to tell me to stop pushing myself to gain weight. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. But I need to let it happen naturally. She's pleased that I'm concentrating on making healthier meals that are more balanced but she wants me to stop with the mind games. I should be aware of what feels "normal" for me and make note of what doesn't. If I want to insist on watching my weight, I should only watch for changes in the wrong direction.

So, my Ten in 10 goals are changing. My ultimate goal is no longer to gain weight. My ultimate goal is to continue making healthy meals that are well-balanced and that will help me my weight over the next twelve weeks as I prepare for my half marathon in April. And if I do allow myself certain indulgences, then I will do so in moderation.

I want to stay healthy -- but there's no way in hell I'm giving up bacon!

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